Women

Contentment Vs Self-Actualization

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Happiness is being conscious that #YHTK

One of the most inspiring videos I have had the opportunity to come across tells the story of a contented woman. I watched this video at a time when the world was in chaos and world leaders could barely sleep. Families were dying all over the globe and death toll on a daily basis was the highlight of media channels.

The same time was described as unprecedented and even as I write today, countries are still trying to contain the virus activated life style that we all currently live. Yet, for the few people who could see beyond the chaos, they celebrated that they were part of history. It was famine and rationing in most places and most homes. However, this video caused me to cry tears of joy. The woman\’s joy was authentic. What she had and celebrated, most rich and famous people could never get, even if they exchanged all their wealth for it.

This brought me to the question of fulfillment, contentment and self-actualization. She was without any shadow of doubt, contented and most definitely on the path to self actualization. She was realistic, optimistic and open handed to welcome people to her home .If fulfillment is the definition of achievement of something desired, then I cannot honestly answer for her if she is fulfilled or not. She alone will be able to say what her aspirations are and if they are met or not. I leave you to decide after watching the video to share your thoughts below.

Proof that you may have nothing, yet be contented and happy

No matter what the day presents, my message for you today is simple. Enjoy the journey and smell the roses as you go. If you can\’t see the roses, take in the fresh air and be grateful that you can inhale and exhale. People on ventilators are struggling to do just that. Laugh daily, find your purpose and live without apology for who you are. Be true to yourself – that is one thing you should not compromise. Be your authentic self, it is too hard being a clone of someone else or a copy. It is better to be a bad original than a good copy.

Be intentional about your happiness and about being the difference you want to see in society. Embrace change, be open to ideas. Keep a gratitude journal as you consciously count your blessings. Accept what you cannot change and change what you can. Be deliberate about redesigning a better version of yourself on a daily basis. Live life as best as you can today, tomorrow is promised to no-one.

Your reason being #YHTK (You hold the key). The difference lies in purpose and living it through.

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How to live a worry free life

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Worry, just like stress does not produce any positive result for your well being.

Looking around you currently with the state of the global economy, the demands on the global health system, the unpredictable nature of the future; Are you thinking of the thin line between managing existing limited resources and poverty threshold? or unsure of where the next income stream is going to come from. Are you stressing about the many bills and people you still need to support? If so, you sure do have enough reasons to worry today.

Some people do not need all or some of the above before they worry. They are born worriers. They worry about the shape of the teabag, the colour of the soup, the middle name of their son\’s class teacher, why there are only six waffles in a pack, the look on the post man\’s face, people that greet or acknowledge them and the ones that ignore them. Simply put, they always have a reason to worry about something or the other.

On the other hand, some people float through life effortlessly like the world was made for them to skip through every hurdle. Do they have any problem? Sure they do! The difference being that they have taken a decision about the role of worry in their lives.

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Livng my worry free life

Who has worry helped?

Worrying has never been known to help anyone or solve a problem. Not one! What worry does is magnify the problem for you, create anxiety and fear. Fear paralyses you. Fear blocks you from seeing any possible solution. Fear eats you up and releases negative toxins in your body, thereby causing further ailments and diseases in the body.

How then do you handle worry?

I have always been accused of sauntering through life like I have no problem. What people fail to understand is the fact that I do not entertain fear, worry or anxiety. I have learnt to live my worry free life by doing four simple things – PTCD.

Pray: As a believer in Christ and the holy trinity. I take all my worries to God in prayer as my no. 1 port of call. Being a person of faith and having lived my life like this with positive results for over 5 decades has taught me to pray with an expectant heart for a positive result. Part of praying includes being thankful for previous victories with a heart of gratitude and also for eternal access to God himself through Christ Jesus.

Trust: For me to trust means there has been proven track record of success. I believe whatever the outcome of the current situation, even if it is not what I am expecting, it will work to my advantage. So I become open minded towards the result.

Cast: I transfer the problem to God to sort out. No, I do not bury my head in the sand and ignore that I have an issue to deal with. Remember, that I have prayed to someone I trust to sort it out for me. Just like if you have a broken car, you take it to your trusted mechanic; you expect him to call you to let you know the job is complete and if there\’s any part that needs to be added to the car, he will let you know. (I don\’t worry about the process the mechanic takes in getting the car ready. That is his job). That is just how it works when you cast your cares.

Do: Next step is to take action. Once you have done all the above, you have a clearer vision of what your next step of action will be. Whatever step you take will get to the end of the problem, no matter how fast or long it takes. The main thing at that point in time is that you are not stressed or anxious about it. You are taking action.

Takeaway

What you need to know now is that; Worry never added a positive thing to your situation. Worry takes away from you. You can be worry free even if the world around you is collapsing by practicing: Pray- Trust- Cast – Do. Remembering always that #YHTK (You hold the Key)

see www.amazon.co.uk/author/busolashogbamimu for more books by busolashogbamimu

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How Much?

What are you worth in your own eyes?

Think about why people treat you the way you are treated. Confidence in carriage does not arise from copying what you like in other people. Confidence is a product of knowledge. knowledge of who you are.

Too many people suffer from self doubt, insecurity and co dependence on others and lots more emotional problems. Take time to think and understand that not everybody will like you even if you spend all of your lifetime trying to please them. You actually start living the day you stop worrying about other people\’s opinion and start doing what is right for yourself.

How much value do you place on yourself. If you think you are worthless, why do you expect other people to respect you? You are already sending a negative signal, why are you expecting positive? If you plant an apple seed, why are you expecting an harvest of banana? Did you plant banana?

As you see yourself, so will the world see you. Change your belief system today and start seeing only value in yourself because truly you are valuable. Those flaws that you are focusing on to diminish yourself, everyone has them in different degrees. You are no different than any other man, the only difference is they acknowledge their negative parts and have accepted it as part of who they are, yet focused on their positive while self improving generally.

What then are you waiting for? Begin counting the good things going for you and you will begin to see value in yourself. Remember also, #YHTK. Start adding value to yourself if you want others to see value in you and change the negative way you have accepted to be treated.

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euuhh! That is disgusting!

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Euhh! Yuck!

I am probably ranting as opposed to writing with this post today! It is so annoying the way people show case their ignorance and lack of basic manners in expressing their dislike for anything that is foreign to their everyday experience.

Show someone a cultural experience or ask them to taste a spicy dish that is uncommon to their everyday experience, and they come up with \”that is horrible\” or \”that is disgusting\”.

When will people learn to understand that the horrible or disgusting experience is personal to them alone. If one person out of every hundred in the world can enjoy a thing, then there is nothing wrong with the activity or product or thing.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in saying “I don’t like it “. or “I find it not to my taste”. That is still a true expression of your feeling.

Learning to express your experience as personal to you is basic manners rather than showing absolute lack of grace. Simple ways of expressing your experience can be:

  • Sorry, It is not my thing. (Your facial expression will automatically tell the story)
  • I don\’t like it or that is different (For more cultured people who are conscious about other people\’s awareness).
  • I find it disgusting or I find it horrible (For people that really want to express the extent of their intolerance. Your personification of your FIND experience shows your feelings).

Some people think it is posh to knock other cultural experiences by saying \”it is disgusting or it is horrible\”, without realizing they are the one\’s being pitied by their sheer display of lack of grace.

It is also a reflection of people who blame others for their own short comings and who fail to take responsibility for their actions.

If you belong to that category, check yourself. Respect and tolerance should be evident in all that we say and do.

All in all, the onus lies on us as change agents to raise our children with good manners, as a reflection of positive upbringing and understanding of equality and diversity in the society.

Also to comport ourselves in like manner. After all, children do what they see and not what they are told.

Rant concluded!

Remember! #YHTK. Only you, hold the key!

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Who is Deji Adenuga?

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Deji Adenuga, celebrating the historic moment when HIS wife became the first black woman to be elected into a county council in Ireland.

On the 27th of May 2019, the Republic of Ireland held both local and European elections. History was made in Ireland as a black woman was elected for the very first time to a county council in the name of Yemi Adenuga. Navan was once again made a historic point for Ireland.

The news went all over media and celebration was huge among the African and faith communities in Ireland. This is so because if you have met Yemi Adenuga and held conversation with her, you know without a shadow of doubt that she is a woman of faith and integrity. I recall a conversation where she stated clearly that her name is her integrity and she goes all out to protect it.

In the age where women are subtly emerging to be able to stand on equal platforms and deliver along side a man, it is without any shadow of doubt that Yemi has been nurtured and shielded with love by a man who definitely understands how to treat a woman.

Deji Adenuga, a well known Nigerian actor plays no game and is neither entertaining when it comes to showcasing real men. His support for the numerous causes and projects that his wife dabbles into is publicly unflinching. He does not see her as a threat, but rather as a star shining on the top of his crown. She bears HIS name and showcases his home. In his own words \”I am the husband of a strong woman\”. That, is a fact.

The first time I heard Deji Adenuga say that, I knew without any shadow of doubt, that this is a man who has no doubt about his identity. He knows the capabilities of his wife to be limitless and understands his role as her husband, was to help her burn her unlimited energy in motion in the most positive way, by impacting lives together for a fulfilled destiny globally.

As history was made in Ireland on the 27th of May 2019, I proudly stand in the light of well defined feminism to celebrate a STAND OUT man – Deji Adenuga, for knowing his identity as the head that propels the neck to lead the body into fullness of purpose. Lack of identity and understanding has been a key force in destroying many relationships, particularly within the African culture.

Deji Adenuga, you are today celebrated among men and women and this historic victory is clearly yours. On behalf of women struggling through different conditions for fulfillment in relationship, purpose, freedom and empowerment, and on behalf of men taking your victory as a learning curve for their own self improvement, I say \”Thank you\”.

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One month only

 

Stop and imagine just for one moment.  You have worked hard this last month, you woke up early to do the morning commute for one or two hours in to work.  You have dealt with the insatiable demands of your manager and the incessant questions from subordinates, or the queries arising from curious and unappreciative customers.  

It\’s lunch time and you take a quick peek at your email and it is that time of the month – bills coming in.  Not bad, tomorrow is payday! But, the wages fail to hit YOUR bank.  Some problem with payroll and they don\’t see a solution in sight but they have assured to give you an IOU for some amount of money that does not meet your need.  When the problem is resolved, the balance due will be paid with next  month\’s wages.

Just one month wages messed up through no fault of yours and your total financial system is ruined temporarily.  We have been conditioned to live from one pay check to the other with slim chances of breaking free, one month\’s paycheck can be the beginning of a poverty cycle.

Imagine!

It is not the payroll next time, it is ill health. You or any member of the family can fall ill anytime without notice, requiring your attention and time away from work.  Unplanned time. One month or one week.  

How many weeks can you afford without pay with no effect on your lifestyle or set you back into a poverty trap?  Do the math.  After all, #YHTK.

Save!      Invest!      Plan!     Multiple streams of income!     Network! Build!    Trade!   Sell!    Leverage!    Skills!    Character!    Attitude!

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Times & Life

I am still basking in the euphoria of the royal wedding conducted in England between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle at the weekend.

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Being a mother, my attention was on Meghan\’s mum – Doria Ragland.  I think of what she may have gone through all the days of her life leading up to the date of her daughter\’s wedding to one of the most notable families of the world.

The lesson for me from both Meghan and her mum is that your past does not determine your future.  Being a divorcee, from a single parent household, of mixed race, an actress, from a different country, older than Harry, all the things that years ago would have been an absolute NO! NO! in the way of this relationship moving forward.  On the beautiful side of things, one can clearly see that Meghan herself is beauty personified both from within and without.

Her entire life through all the ups and downs has always been working towards goal achievement. Fulfilling  a purpose bigger than herself and because she was able to identify her personality from childhood, the ups and downs did not get her. She WON!

I celebrate the warm hearted, fun loving, free spirited Prince Harry himself for bringing diversity to the royal family. His name is firmly charted in the story of life.  Meghan\’s mum today is no longer an obscure face in the background of women struggling through life.  The seeds of honor and dignity, love and care implanted in her child since childhood has come to harvest. It\’s like living a dream.

Our knowledge of who we are is so vital in how far we get in life. Our past was just to shape our character for the challenges of the future. More like muscle building technique. Don\’t let the past hold you down.  Rise and shine!

You hold the Key!! Congratulations once again to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

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My Mistake

Every day I make mistakes. Sometimes in my thoughts, sometimes in my words and speeches and often times in my deeds.

I gave it a long thought and I concluded that as long as I am human, I will make mistake because I am not perfect.

Do I learn from my mistakes? Do I take ownership for my errors? Do I try and improve on my faults?  All these are the more important questions for my self development instead of the finger pointing and judgments with evil eyes that follow people when they fault.  Guess how many mistakes Thomas A Edison made before He succeeded.  In his words “I have not failed. I\’ve just found 10,000 ways that won\’t work.” “Many of life\’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Now that is from Thomas Edison an incredibly successful inventor, scientist, and businessman, who accumulated 1,093 patents in his lifetime. I don\’t know about you but I am going about my life doing things as best as I can, loving my mistakes and improving on me.

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Metamorphosis contd

Like many ladies out there, I was full of life. BEAUTIFUL, HOT & SPICY. HIGH FLYING, BUSINESS MINDED AND HIGHLY CONNECTED.

I longed to be married on parental and traditional pressure. My parents felt age was no longer on my side. Friends were getting married with children. I eventually fell for the push, I began to crave, and the man that walked into my life I received undoubtedly as the suitor. As traditional of my Christian background, the pastors prayed about it, and prophesied great future with the man. PROPHECIES DON\’T HOLD MARRIAGE!

My father (now late), being a pastor serving at Christ Apostolic Church was happy at the fact that his father was a pastor, and his mother a deaconess. My mother was quite resentful because he was an origin of Abeokuta, Egba in Ogun State Nigeria (different tribes within Nigeria). She told me horrifying stories of how marriages of Ekiti/Ijesha indigenes to Egba people often end in chaos; the women’s virtues being used in rituals, some going mad, some dying mysteriously, because of the Egbas have roots in occultism and voodoo practices.

I convinced her of my proposed husband\’s parental status in the church. She was not quite pleased, but she reluctantly gave her blessings, moreover that the man appeared cool and calm. We eventually got the ball rolling. I was there …but without understanding of marriage as an institution.

YES: I saw things for myself, but my experiences humbled me to acknowledging God for who He is, and worked my transformation to who I am today in Christ. HALLELLUYA!!!!!!!!!!.

Nevertheless, I have met scores of fantastic Abeokuta/Egba indigenes who have touched my life in various wonderful capacities. I realise, it\’s not about your spouse\’s town of origin, but about the lifestyle he/she chooses to live.

I have shared this today to warn someone that is about to get hooked to another, in the fear of getting old and still unmarried. God alone determines the appointed time with destiny. NEVER ALLOW FEELINGS OF GETTING TOO OLD IN UNMARRIED STATUS PUSH YOU INTO HELL OF MARRIAGE.
Marriage is good, and you will be fulfilled in it when you contract it in right mind set and conscience. Do not make yourself a victim of circumstance; you are beautifully and wonderfully made, irrespective of age. The right person will cross your path if you are in the right path.

I call mine a dead marriage because it was so before it was contracted. BE WARNED; Many men and women are out there seeking partners to sacrifice in the occult, the moment they achieve their purpose, they go and re-marry without looking back irrespective of the dozens of children you have in that marriage.  CHILDREN ARE NOT A GUARANTEE TO HOLD YOUR MARRIAGE WHEN IT IS TIME TO SCATTER!

YOU DONT HAVE TO BELIEVE MY STORY, BUT BUY THE WISDOM BY IT …IN YOUR DESIRE TO BE MARRIED, DONT FALL A VICTIM. I ESCAPED BY GRACE!

 

Lessons from Late Bimpe Oluwayose Sorinolu

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

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Having Done All

As teenagers back then in school, we were only four girls in a class of less than thirty.  It took me time to actually know she was in my class.  I see her always immaculately dressed, colour co-ordinated, smart and beautiful. Figure, style, makeup, she was always on point. It did not matter if it was formal or casual.  She was always radiant.

But I hardly see her in any of the classes. Always on one mission on the other. I found it shocking when she settled in school that she was actually very intelligent. I used to think then, if only she could settle herself to her studies.  But with years, and particularly with her life, I have learnt that, if your destiny is decreed to shine like the stars, nothing and no one under heaven or earth can stop that. If you shine negatively or positively, will not change the fact that – shine you must!

Talking about experiencing life, her life fits into it all. Every woman will find themselves in some part of her life. Strong, weak, married, single, sexual abuse, single parenting, rich, poor, public profile, business management, ministry, social life, celebrity lifestyle, mental illness, terminal illness, preparing to die, giving back to society.  Bimpe did not only experience all these, but willing to share her life with the world.  We do not always have to go through the school of hard knocks, but learning from other people’s experiences is a wiser way to live.

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

Photo credit: Hindi.Santabanta.com

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