Category Archives: Marriage

achievement, attitude, choice, control, Decision Making, Marriage, Personal Development, Purpose, Religion, Social Responsibility, women

who is deji Adenuga?

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Deji Adenuga, celebrating the historic moment when HIS wife became the first black woman to be elected into a county council in Ireland.

On the 27th of May 2019, the Republic of Ireland held both local and European elections. History was made in Ireland as a black woman was elected for the very first time to a county council in the name of Yemi Adenuga. Navan was once again made a historic point for Ireland.

The news went all over media and celebration was huge among the African and faith communities in Ireland. This is so because if you have met Yemi Adenuga and held conversation with her, you know without a shadow of doubt that she is a woman of faith and integrity. I recall a conversation where she stated clearly that her name is her integrity and she goes all out to protect it.

In the age where women are subtly emerging to be able to stand on equal platforms and deliver along side a man, it is without any shadow of doubt that Yemi has been nurtured and shielded with love by a man who definitely understands how to treat a woman.

Deji Adenuga, a well known Nigerian actor plays no game and is neither entertaining when it comes to showcasing real men. His support for the numerous causes and projects that his wife dabbles into is publicly unflinching. He does not see her as a threat, but rather as a star shining on the top of his crown. She bears HIS name and showcases his home. In his own words “I am the husband of a strong woman”. That, is a fact.

The first time I heard Deji Adenuga say that, I knew without any shadow of doubt, that this is a man who has no doubt about his identity. He knows the capabilities of his wife to be limitless and understands his role as her husband, was to help her burn her unlimited energy in motion in the most positive way, by impacting lives together for a fulfilled destiny globally.

As history was made in Ireland on the 27th of May 2019, I proudly stand in the light of well defined feminism to celebrate a STAND OUT man – Deji Adenuga, for knowing his identity as the head that propels the neck to lead the body into fullness of purpose. Lack of identity and understanding has been a key force in destroying many relationships, particularly within the African culture.

Deji Adenuga, you are today celebrated among men and women and this historic victory is clearly yours. On behalf of women struggling through different conditions for fulfillment in relationship, purpose, freedom and empowerment, and on behalf of men taking your victory as a learning curve for their own self improvement, I say “Thank you”.

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Marriage, Purpose, women

Times & Life

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I am still basking in the euphoria of the royal wedding conducted in England between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle at the weekend.

person holding flowers
Photo by i love simple beyond on Pexels.com

Being a mother, my attention was on Meghan’s mum – Doria Ragland.  I think of what she may have gone through all the days of her life leading up to the date of her daughter’s wedding to one of the most notable families of the world.

The lesson for me from both Meghan and her mum is that your past does not determine your future.  Being a divorcee, from a single parent household, of mixed race, an actress, from a different country, older than Harry, all the things that years ago would have been an absolute NO! NO! in the way of this relationship moving forward.  On the beautiful side of things, one can clearly see that Meghan herself is beauty personified both from within and without.

Her entire life through all the ups and downs has always been working towards goal achievement. Fulfilling  a purpose bigger than herself and because she was able to identify her personality from childhood, the ups and downs did not get her. She WON!

I celebrate the warm hearted, fun loving, free spirited Prince Harry himself for bringing diversity to the royal family. His name is firmly charted in the story of life.  Meghan’s mum today is no longer an obscure face in the background of women struggling through life.  The seeds of honor and dignity, love and care implanted in her child since childhood has come to harvest. It’s like living a dream.

Our knowledge of who we are is so vital in how far we get in life. Our past was just to shape our character for the challenges of the future. More like muscle building technique. Don’t let the past hold you down.  Rise and shine!

You hold the Key!! Congratulations once again to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

Decision Making, Marriage, Parenting, Religion, women

Metamorphosis contd

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Like many ladies out there, I was full of life. BEAUTIFUL, HOT & SPICY. HIGH FLYING, BUSINESS MINDED AND HIGHLY CONNECTED.

I longed to be married on parental and traditional pressure. My parents felt age was no longer on my side. Friends were getting married with children. I eventually fell for the push, I began to crave, and the man that walked into my life I received undoubtedly as the suitor. As traditional of my Christian background, the pastors prayed about it, and prophesied great future with the man. PROPHECIES DON’T HOLD MARRIAGE!

My father (now late), being a pastor serving at Christ Apostolic Church was happy at the fact that his father was a pastor, and his mother a deaconess. My mother was quite resentful because he was an origin of Abeokuta, Egba in Ogun State Nigeria (different tribes within Nigeria). She told me horrifying stories of how marriages of Ekiti/Ijesha indigenes to Egba people often end in chaos; the women’s virtues being used in rituals, some going mad, some dying mysteriously, because of the Egbas have roots in occultism and voodoo practices.

I convinced her of my proposed husband’s parental status in the church. She was not quite pleased, but she reluctantly gave her blessings, moreover that the man appeared cool and calm. We eventually got the ball rolling. I was there …but without understanding of marriage as an institution.

YES: I saw things for myself, but my experiences humbled me to acknowledging God for who He is, and worked my transformation to who I am today in Christ. HALLELLUYA!!!!!!!!!!.

Nevertheless, I have met scores of fantastic Abeokuta/Egba indigenes who have touched my life in various wonderful capacities. I realise, it’s not about your spouse’s town of origin, but about the lifestyle he/she chooses to live.

I have shared this today to warn someone that is about to get hooked to another, in the fear of getting old and still unmarried. God alone determines the appointed time with destiny. NEVER ALLOW FEELINGS OF GETTING TOO OLD IN UNMARRIED STATUS PUSH YOU INTO HELL OF MARRIAGE.
Marriage is good, and you will be fulfilled in it when you contract it in right mind set and conscience. Do not make yourself a victim of circumstance; you are beautifully and wonderfully made, irrespective of age. The right person will cross your path if you are in the right path.

I call mine a dead marriage because it was so before it was contracted. BE WARNED; Many men and women are out there seeking partners to sacrifice in the occult, the moment they achieve their purpose, they go and re-marry without looking back irrespective of the dozens of children you have in that marriage.  CHILDREN ARE NOT A GUARANTEE TO HOLD YOUR MARRIAGE WHEN IT IS TIME TO SCATTER!

YOU DONT HAVE TO BELIEVE MY STORY, BUT BUY THE WISDOM BY IT …IN YOUR DESIRE TO BE MARRIED, DONT FALL A VICTIM. I ESCAPED BY GRACE!

 

Lessons from Late Bimpe Oluwayose Sorinolu

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

Decision Making, Marriage, Purpose, Religion, Social Responsibilty, women

Appointment with Destiny (5)

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Finally, I conclude on Danielle’s story by sharing the rest of her interview with you today. Please read on.

Have you found your passions are changing, as you grow older?

 I think it has peaked because I don’t think it can change much more.  It has changed a lot in the last ten years, drastically since I got married. I now have a defined purpose and a lot of maturity.  Also, we both plan to retire at the age of fifty, at the very latest.  Then we can team up with some charitable organizations and go to underdeveloped places and work on voluntary basis.  At the moment, the children are encouraged as we have them linked to a Ministry sponsoring a child each.

Can you remember a time when you weren’t living your passion and how that impacted your life? How was your success?

When I was doing Paediatrics, I thought Paediatrics was my passion but the turning point in my life was about six months before I got married.  I had dated my husband in Nigeria, and then he had received a word from God that I was his wife and he was convinced about this.  We went on a 40day prayer and fasting, at the end of which I came back to tell him I did not hear a thing! I was comfortable for us to be friends and date however after I came over to the Uk, I lost interest in the relationship.  He, on the other hand, could not move on, because he was convinced he heard a Word from God and he is not the type to waiver or be double minded.

 I got into another relationship later and was preparing for my traditional wedding, with guests already invited. Then, I heard clearly in my spirit that I was making a big mistake.  So I broke off the relationship.  But when he (my husband) heard I was getting married to someone else, he still held on and was still seeking God’s face for asking for a double conviction so he could move on with his life.  I was not in touch with him at this stage.

 Several months after my other relationship broke up, through what I can only describe as a miracle, we got linked up again. I went praying to God and was very honest and open before God: I told God I wasn’t in love with him and also because my husband is only six days older than me, I felt he was immature and I could not submit to him. God clearly spoke to me and said ‘I will teach you how to love him and I will teach you submission.” God also spoke these words clearly to my spirit ‘The man you see today is not the man he will become’ that was enough reassurance for me and I agreed to marry Tunde.

 On my wedding day, I got to the church one hour before the service was due to start. People tried keeping me in the car saying it was not right for the bride to be ahead of the groom, but that was just a cultural opinion. I told them I had an appointment with God and I was not going to be late.  I was that convinced and I have never been that convinced about any other decision in my life.  My husband wept like a baby during the service because he was simply overwhelmed by the Power of God to perform His Word. On the other hand I stood there beaming from ear to ear! If I quarrel with my husband, and it’s not resolved soon, my day will be completely ruined and the same goes for him.  Once I quarreled with him, I was destabilized so much so I crashed the car.

 My life prior to meeting my husband definitely was living outside of my passion, because my passion is tied to the life I have with him, sharing same goals, same vision and same passion. 

Why do you think most people give up on their dreams? What is your advice to those who have?

A lot of people do not seek God’s face. Was it your plan or God’s plan?  Walking in God’s plan requires standing in faith.  Delay does not mean denial.  If God shows you the big picture, what then do you need faith for?  But God wants you to trust him in every step. Little faith steps leads to the bigger picture for us.  There was a time when God gave us Psalm 37 for our break through.  We were attacked on our business and we had a choice of giving up on our business or hanging on to his word for us.  We carried on because we heard from God as a result of which, when our victory came, we were in the papers with two awards granted within one week of our opening up at a different location.  You have to find a word from God.  Even when it came to child bearing, I remember my husband praying if the children are not going to serve God, then close my wife’s womb. 

 My advice to those who have given up on their dreams will be, to go back and seek God’s face for clarity before proceeding and once you know what cause to follow, do not delay.

 What major life lessons have you learnt?

 Cleaving to God and cleaving to one another is the success of a good marriage.

Imagine you were to address a group of people who have hired you to make their life the most successful it can be, what questions would you ask them to ask themselves to realize their dreams?

What is your relationship with God?  This is because life without God is a hard life and for me God is a shortcut to success.  I cannot isolate God out of the picture and so I can only advice based on my experience, and it is centered on God.  My progress since the last 10 years has been exponential.

What legacies do you have or plan to leave behind?

  • Legacy of faith.
  • Legacy of a marriage, that works. – enjoying your marriage. I mean enjoying everyday life because for me I come home and I feel like, I have entered paradise.

How would you want to be remembered when you are done and gone?

A person who loved, and served God and enjoyed it.

Now you have read someone else’s account of her life. I challenge you as a woman or man reading this, to look beyond your present position, hurt, pain or disappointments that you may have experienced in life and start today, to take stock of what you have as a person. Your personality, gifts, resources – mental, physical and emotional to consolidate them to making a positive and permanent change in your life, to become a better and fulfilled person.  Experiencing the joy, that comes with helping people especially those who cannot pay you back.

I would love to hear how this has affected you and your immediate circle of influence.  Please share your experience and comment below. Also share  my posts with your friends and family, you never know whose life will be changing next.

 

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

 

Decision Making, Marriage, Parenting, Personal Development, Purpose, women

Appointment with Destiny (4)

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Oh Wow! What a day! We continue with Danielle’s interview.  To get the full picture, Please read previous posts. Each time I read about her vision and what shaped her to the woman she is, I always marvel at the sheer determination to follow God’s will. Please read along.

Were you interested in that because of lack of it in your life?

I grew up in a very happy home.  Not a lot of unknown people would pass through our homes growing up, so it was basically because of the vision.

How do you think self-esteem and fear affect our ability to create results in our life? How did it affect you?

Self-esteem – If you are not complete in yourself, you cannot affect anybody.  You have nothing to give.

Fear – if you do anything out of fear, you cannot achieve much.  When you act out of fear, you are basically waiting for something to go wrong as opposed to when you act out in faith; you are waiting to go to the next level. I can’t say I experienced fear, never struggled with fear or self-esteem.  The maximum I have experienced would be having butterflies in my tummy, like when you are faced with an exam or an event.  But I never had the fear that paralyses.

How do you personally deal with your fears? Is there any one way?

 I deal with my fears through God. Before it takes hold of me, I identify it and lay it before God and my husband.  My husband is an immense support in my life. My years with him almost make my previous life pale into insignificance, the kind of strength I get from him.

Taking into consideration all you’ve done in life, what do you think your greatest accomplishment is?

My family.  My relationship with my family and our relationship as a family.  First is, knowing God, second is my relationship with my husband and third is my relationship with my children.

So what, if any, setbacks have you had to deal with along the way?

Growing up, the setback I experienced was failing my medical exams. It was a setback because I had never failed so it was very unusual for me.  Apart from that, it was all good growing up for me.   The other times, I cannot call them setbacks but challenges because challenges promote us.  Challenge in business or career.  We faced closure of our business. We stood on God’s word even when it seemed like nothing was happening.  For me, my spiritual growth is due to my husband taking me from toddler to maturity. Together, we faced our challenges, prayed together, cried together and see God come through for us. I am very humbled by my life so far.

What is your current most important project?

 At the moment, we have a clinic called Christchurch clinic. Promoting health and wellbeing in the community and helping people achieve a healthy life style, by taking control of their lives.  Our church vision is “Transforming Community by nurture and healing through faith in Jesus.” We believe as part of that body of Christ that God has also called us to transform community with our career.  We know God has called us to the market place. At the moment our clinic offers Health checks, weight management and facial aesthetic treatments. My husband runs an outstanding pharmacy in town.  We run quarterly free  health awareness fairs in the community  We are stepping into the Care agency business, to employ domiciliary careers that can adequately meet the needs of the elderly and ‘not so able’ in the community and impact on the lives of the people they minister too.  Both my husband and I are in the health profession as he is a Pharmacist and I am a Doctor.

What would be three things that you wish you had known earlier in life? And how does it impact on the people in your circle of influence?

That I had known God earlier, that way you don’t carry unnecessary baggage. Knowing God early is a safety net and for that reason I look forward to seeing how different our children’s lives will be.

Do you believe in people having a specific purpose for being in this world?

 Absolutely.  Being here without a purpose is absolutely pointless.  Until you find your purpose, you haven’t lived a fulfilling life.  It does not have to be a big thing.  Some people are just born to smile and you meet them and think “what a breath of fresh air.”

What do you think or know yours to be?

Mine is tied to our vision.  Being an example of a Godly family and impacting our community through health.

If you could give one piece of advice on how to live a fulfilled life to your only child, what would it be?

To know God.  Once you know God, find out what you were born to do and just do it.  You never find it out without knowing God and once you know it, just pursue it.

 What would you say to somebody who thinks they have money problems?

Find out your priorities. What are you spending money on? Does your expenditure exceed your income? If so, then you need to readjust your life but it begins with readdressing your priorities.

Many of our values and outlooks are formed in childhood. How did your early role models affect your outlook on health, wealth, relationships and spirituality?

My mum was a huge and in fact my main role model.

Health – being in the health profession (she worked as a nurse); she encouraged us to live healthy lives, exercise and healthy living.

 Wealth – I was brought up to be content.  We were a middle classed and contented family.  We were absolutely comfortable with what we had so I never had to go envying what someone else had.  So, now I can enjoy wealth but not let it rule me.

 Relationship – My Dad was typical of most African dads in not knowing how to show love. Not that he did not love, but did not know how to show it. My mum, however, filled the gap for both of them.  My mum was my best friend. I was the only girl in a family of 4 and right until I got to university and left home for the first time, she was my confidant.  I could tell her anything and everything.  She taught me a lot of kindness and love.  An unconditional love, even before I knew God personally.  She had a Godlike nature.

 Spirituality – We were a Christian family but largely church goers.

So what are the most important books you’ve read?

  •  The Bible        
  • Dreams from my father by Barrack Obama
  • The Audacity of Hope by Barrack Obama.
  • The Five Love Languages

Do you have a favorite quote?

If you can perceive it, you can achieve it!

‘If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything’!

Has a lack of balance in your life ever harmed you or kept you from reaching your goals?

I would say I have a very balanced life

Do you ever find it challenging to live as you preach and what have you learned from those challenges?

The only thing I can find challenging is tolerating wrong and I might be a bit judgmental. I would love to be able to be Christ like especially in my job and the society we live, where immorality is very acceptable.  I try not to judge.

Do you think there is an important connection between our everyday living and spiritual life? If so, why is this connection so important?

Yes, I think so.  Our everyday life is a reflection of our spiritual life.  For us, our main priority is to seek God’s face.  Find out if there is anything we should be doing that day.  Do our plans live up with God’s plan?  So our day is focused around that.

What is your philosophy in life?

Whatever my hands find to do, I should do it to the best of my ability.  Whatever I do,

I ask “If God were here, would I do it differently?”  So basically my philosophy is

being open and living my life as such.

Has your philosophy developed over time, or are there aspects of it that are rooted in your childhood, through mentors and parents, or friends? And how has it developed, as you’ve grown older?

I would say my philosophy developed more as I grew older.  It started in childhood as my parents were open and plain.  But I never looked at it like that.  But, those    qualities formed in me from childhood but a lot more since I became a Christian.

Have you found your passions are changing, as you grow older?

 I think it has peaked because I don’t think it can change much more.  It has changed a lot in the last ten years, drastically since I got married. I now have………..

Join us again tomorrow for the final part of this amazing woman’s interview.

 

(to be continued)

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

 

Decision Making, Marriage, Personal Development, Purpose, Religion, Social Responsibility, Social Responsibilty, women

Appointment with Destiny (3)

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I would describe myself as an ordinary person who is easy to get along with. I have 4 main passions in life namely:

  1. God
  2. My husband
  3. My 2 boys
  4. Fitness/healthy living

The mandate upon my life is simply to be an exemplary wife and mother as I support my family in the call God has placed on our lives to be an example of a good Christian family.

I asked Danielle some of the same questions Janet Attwood from Healthy, Wealthy and Wise asked some inspirational leaders of our time, and here are her responses. My prayer, as you read this is that your faith level will increase, your divine purpose be clarified, and your determination to fulfill the call of God on your life, grow stronger with the dawn of each new day.

Questions

Who has been the most influential person in your life? The person who has most affected the person you are today?

 God

 What is your day like?

I wake up between 05.15am and 05.30am. I pray with my husband till about 06.00am,  then we  go downstairs together to make smoothie for the family. The kids usually wake up during this time and we send the kids to do their own prayer time, they come back and discuss what they have read with us and then we all go to the gym till about 07.15am, then get ready for school/work. If I am doing the school run we aim to leave home for about 7.50am and leave the school at 08.30am, get to work at about 08.45am.  I start work at 09.00am and try to finish at the latest at 06.30pm if I’m on-call and earlier if I’m not. We have dinner together as a family at about 06.45pm, (my husband usually would have picked the kids up, bathed them and done most of their homework) After dinner, we all clear up and then go upstairs and sit with the kids to find out about their day and finish homework and the kids go to  bed at 08.15pm – 08.30pm. Then I catch up with housework or chat with my husband and at 09.00pm, my husband and I will pray together, I go to bed after this or catch up on more work

What are the things that you just cannot do without?

 I cannot do without praying twice a day at the very least, smoothie daily and Gym (I try at least four times a week).  But my smoothie, not negotiable.

Would this be your priority no matter what else?

Yes. God first then smoothie – Anywhere in the world and if we do not have access to a smoothie maker, we substitute smoothie for fresh fruit. Thank God, you can take God anywhere!

 What is your current vocation?

I work as a General practitioner

What attracted you to your current vocation?

The flexibility that comes with it. I started training as a Pediatrician but found it was not family friendly and I had to decide what was more important to me -career or family? So I left Paediatrics before I got too deep in it.

What are you most concerned about?

To raise a Godly family and be a good example.

Why is that so important – how did that come up?

 It all began with a vision God gave us.  My husband’s name is Babatunde, we call him Baba (which in my language means father).  God revealed to him he will be a father of many nations just like Abraham and his generation being blessed.  We see ourselves in that Abrahamic line. Also like Priscilla and Aquilla who were mere church helpers.  We are convinced we have no pastoral calling or some high leadership role, but our calling is to be helpers.  To stir up and encourage other people’s visions and therefore we open our home for Church use for example hosting guest preachers, youth social events, home group or such needs as we can accommodate.  For this role, you need to live an exemplary life to be able to impact your community and that is what we do and why it is important to us.

(to be continued)

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

Decision Making, Marriage, Religion, Social Responsibility, Social Responsibilty, women

Appointment with Destiny (2)

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Below is a copy of the mail I sent to Danielle after interviewing her and her reply:

—–Original Message—–
From: Busola Shogbamimu
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 2010 14:15:38
Subject: re: remaining questions

Hi Dupe,

Honestly if I could open up my heart for you to see how much I have been blessed by your life tonight, I would.  Immediately I dropped the phone I had to call my friend Adeline to tell her I have just spoken to someone whose yardstick is longer.  I respect her values a lot and now you. wow!!

It is so clear you guys are perfectly matched. Adeline has a ministry here in Dublin and I am a very big supporter of her vision.  She has a mandate to relieve women that are hurting by showing practical love. Some of the groups dominant here are single women. If God wills, it will be a great honor to have you address them at an informal forum, so they know there is light for them along the way and not just at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks and thanks and thanks again Dupe.  Big respect to your husband for his love and obedience as a servant of God and a man after God’s own heart.

I attach the rest of the questions and do look forward to chatting with you very soon.

Much love

Busola Shogbamimu

Her reply:

Re: remaining questions

Moshola,
Again it was really good talking to you. At some stages I was beginning to think that it all sounded unreal. Infact I think this is the first time I’ve ever thought so deeply about my life and what has shaped me. For me, it actually makes me appreciate Tunde even more. Please, don’t get me wrong, he has his faults like anyone else and we sure do have our squabbles, but he is perfect for me and neither of us is ever too proud to say sorry. I think that is another valuable aspect of our relationship. It will be interesting to read your summary when you have collated all the info. My life/marriage is a testimony and I look forward to another 60yrs of marriage. Tunde and I have trusted God to live till we are 100. Considering we are both 40 in a few weeks, we’ve got plenty of time ahead. I could go on forever!! It’s a good thing we decided to do the rest of the questions by e-mail cos I’ll need to check the accounts to answer them. Hope to speak to u soon and I am glad to hear you feel encouraged. We serve an awesome God and he sure works if we stick to the straight and narrow.

Love Dupe

(to be continued……….. coming up, Meet Danielle Dupe Akomolafe)

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B