Category Archives: Parenting

euuhh! That is disgusting!

Euhh! Yuck!

I am probably ranting as opposed to writing with this post today! It is so annoying the way people show case their ignorance and lack of basic manners in expressing their dislike for anything that is foreign to their everyday experience.

Show someone a cultural experience or ask them to taste a spicy dish that is uncommon to their everyday experience, and they come up with “that is horrible” or “that is disgusting”.

When will people learn to understand that the horrible or disgusting experience is personal to them alone. If one person out of every hundred in the world can enjoy a thing, then there is nothing wrong with the activity or product or thing.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in saying “I don’t like it “. or “I find it not to my taste”. That is still a true expression of your feeling.

Learning to express your experience as personal to you is basic manners rather than showing absolute lack of grace. Simple ways of expressing your experience can be:

  • Sorry, It is not my thing. (Your facial expression will automatically tell the story)
  • I don’t like it or that is different (For more cultured people who are conscious about other people’s awareness).
  • I find it disgusting or I find it horrible (For people that really want to express the extent of their intolerance. Your personification of your FIND experience shows your feelings).

Some people think it is posh to knock other cultural experiences by saying “it is disgusting or it is horrible”, without realizing they are the one’s being pitied by their sheer display of lack of grace.

It is also a reflection of people who blame others for their own short comings and who fail to take responsibility for their actions.

If you belong to that category, check yourself. Respect and tolerance should be evident in all that we say and do.

All in all, the onus lies on us as change agents to raise our children with good manners, as a reflection of positive upbringing and understanding of equality and diversity in the society.

Also to comport ourselves in like manner. After all, children do what they see and not what they are told.

Rant concluded!

Remember! #YHTK. Only you, hold the key!

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How well do you know your children?

I take a break from sharing my late friend’s post to write about something that touches my heart. Something I have found is a lifetime learning course.

As a parent of three lovely teenagers, I find that I often expect them to behave in same manner as children of the same household, raised with same values, certain expectation of variances as a result of individual personalities. However, I recently realize that I have fallen into the same trap as my dad. Something which I vowed to watch out for, never to do to my kids.

I have great desire for them all to be successful, and I am doing my bit as a parent the best way to push them to excel in their academics. I focus on individual strengths and passion. My dad made the mistake of pushing me to be a science student when clearly there was no atom or chemical inclination in my bones or brains, save for whatever was keeping me alive. I rebelled and became my own person, making my choices and vowing to let my children be themselves, working in their own strengths and not my desire of a career path for them.

My emphasis however was the basic education as a starting point. Recently, I find myself at a wall until I had an eye opening session two days ago. My youngest, who I push the most and find a bit more laid back than his siblings, is very artistic.  He came home with an art assignment and I watched him as he was so devoted and focused, listening to his music in the background and working away with such peace and passion, that I was always looking for in his other subjects. I kept cooking as he continued working at the kitchen table.

The next morning, the answer dropped in the shower (where I get most of my revelations). The eldest is a verbal learner, the second a logical learner and the youngest a visual learner.  He is a different person in himself, total and complete.  What he needs to be able to be who he needs to be is fully in him. The patience required in an artist cannot be expected in a media person. Why then have I placed such an expectation and burden in pressuring my child?

Ignorance! Since I realized this, I have taken a back step. I am positively encouraging and avoiding criticism, yet building confidence and a sense of can do in my child. I have done a bit of research as well and found affirmation of my conviction. I include the link to help others who may be in similar shoes, just to create awareness of the importance of knowing our children for who they are and how to be better parents to get them to their place of success. The one thing we do not need is frustrating them which can lead to low moral esteem, frustration, depression and in extreme cases suicide.

Here, also are some questions you can do as a family game to better find out about your children and reverse same for them to find out more about you. A very positive  and memorable family time activity guaranteed to improve communication.

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

 

 

Metamorphosis contd

Like many ladies out there, I was full of life. BEAUTIFUL, HOT & SPICY. HIGH FLYING, BUSINESS MINDED AND HIGHLY CONNECTED.

I longed to be married on parental and traditional pressure. My parents felt age was no longer on my side. Friends were getting married with children. I eventually fell for the push, I began to crave, and the man that walked into my life I received undoubtedly as the suitor. As traditional of my Christian background, the pastors prayed about it, and prophesied great future with the man. PROPHECIES DON’T HOLD MARRIAGE!

My father (now late), being a pastor serving at Christ Apostolic Church was happy at the fact that his father was a pastor, and his mother a deaconess. My mother was quite resentful because he was an origin of Abeokuta, Egba in Ogun State Nigeria (different tribes within Nigeria). She told me horrifying stories of how marriages of Ekiti/Ijesha indigenes to Egba people often end in chaos; the women’s virtues being used in rituals, some going mad, some dying mysteriously, because of the Egbas have roots in occultism and voodoo practices.

I convinced her of my proposed husband’s parental status in the church. She was not quite pleased, but she reluctantly gave her blessings, moreover that the man appeared cool and calm. We eventually got the ball rolling. I was there …but without understanding of marriage as an institution.

YES: I saw things for myself, but my experiences humbled me to acknowledging God for who He is, and worked my transformation to who I am today in Christ. HALLELLUYA!!!!!!!!!!.

Nevertheless, I have met scores of fantastic Abeokuta/Egba indigenes who have touched my life in various wonderful capacities. I realise, it’s not about your spouse’s town of origin, but about the lifestyle he/she chooses to live.

I have shared this today to warn someone that is about to get hooked to another, in the fear of getting old and still unmarried. God alone determines the appointed time with destiny. NEVER ALLOW FEELINGS OF GETTING TOO OLD IN UNMARRIED STATUS PUSH YOU INTO HELL OF MARRIAGE.
Marriage is good, and you will be fulfilled in it when you contract it in right mind set and conscience. Do not make yourself a victim of circumstance; you are beautifully and wonderfully made, irrespective of age. The right person will cross your path if you are in the right path.

I call mine a dead marriage because it was so before it was contracted. BE WARNED; Many men and women are out there seeking partners to sacrifice in the occult, the moment they achieve their purpose, they go and re-marry without looking back irrespective of the dozens of children you have in that marriage.  CHILDREN ARE NOT A GUARANTEE TO HOLD YOUR MARRIAGE WHEN IT IS TIME TO SCATTER!

YOU DONT HAVE TO BELIEVE MY STORY, BUT BUY THE WISDOM BY IT …IN YOUR DESIRE TO BE MARRIED, DONT FALL A VICTIM. I ESCAPED BY GRACE!

 

Lessons from Late Bimpe Oluwayose Sorinolu

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

Appointment with Destiny (4)

Oh Wow! What a day! We continue with Danielle’s interview.  To get the full picture, Please read previous posts. Each time I read about her vision and what shaped her to the woman she is, I always marvel at the sheer determination to follow God’s will. Please read along.

Were you interested in that because of lack of it in your life?

I grew up in a very happy home.  Not a lot of unknown people would pass through our homes growing up, so it was basically because of the vision.

How do you think self-esteem and fear affect our ability to create results in our life? How did it affect you?

Self-esteem – If you are not complete in yourself, you cannot affect anybody.  You have nothing to give.

Fear – if you do anything out of fear, you cannot achieve much.  When you act out of fear, you are basically waiting for something to go wrong as opposed to when you act out in faith; you are waiting to go to the next level. I can’t say I experienced fear, never struggled with fear or self-esteem.  The maximum I have experienced would be having butterflies in my tummy, like when you are faced with an exam or an event.  But I never had the fear that paralyses.

How do you personally deal with your fears? Is there any one way?

 I deal with my fears through God. Before it takes hold of me, I identify it and lay it before God and my husband.  My husband is an immense support in my life. My years with him almost make my previous life pale into insignificance, the kind of strength I get from him.

Taking into consideration all you’ve done in life, what do you think your greatest accomplishment is?

My family.  My relationship with my family and our relationship as a family.  First is, knowing God, second is my relationship with my husband and third is my relationship with my children.

So what, if any, setbacks have you had to deal with along the way?

Growing up, the setback I experienced was failing my medical exams. It was a setback because I had never failed so it was very unusual for me.  Apart from that, it was all good growing up for me.   The other times, I cannot call them setbacks but challenges because challenges promote us.  Challenge in business or career.  We faced closure of our business. We stood on God’s word even when it seemed like nothing was happening.  For me, my spiritual growth is due to my husband taking me from toddler to maturity. Together, we faced our challenges, prayed together, cried together and see God come through for us. I am very humbled by my life so far.

What is your current most important project?

 At the moment, we have a clinic called Christchurch clinic. Promoting health and wellbeing in the community and helping people achieve a healthy life style, by taking control of their lives.  Our church vision is “Transforming Community by nurture and healing through faith in Jesus.” We believe as part of that body of Christ that God has also called us to transform community with our career.  We know God has called us to the market place. At the moment our clinic offers Health checks, weight management and facial aesthetic treatments. My husband runs an outstanding pharmacy in town.  We run quarterly free  health awareness fairs in the community  We are stepping into the Care agency business, to employ domiciliary careers that can adequately meet the needs of the elderly and ‘not so able’ in the community and impact on the lives of the people they minister too.  Both my husband and I are in the health profession as he is a Pharmacist and I am a Doctor.

What would be three things that you wish you had known earlier in life? And how does it impact on the people in your circle of influence?

That I had known God earlier, that way you don’t carry unnecessary baggage. Knowing God early is a safety net and for that reason I look forward to seeing how different our children’s lives will be.

Do you believe in people having a specific purpose for being in this world?

 Absolutely.  Being here without a purpose is absolutely pointless.  Until you find your purpose, you haven’t lived a fulfilling life.  It does not have to be a big thing.  Some people are just born to smile and you meet them and think “what a breath of fresh air.”

What do you think or know yours to be?

Mine is tied to our vision.  Being an example of a Godly family and impacting our community through health.

If you could give one piece of advice on how to live a fulfilled life to your only child, what would it be?

To know God.  Once you know God, find out what you were born to do and just do it.  You never find it out without knowing God and once you know it, just pursue it.

 What would you say to somebody who thinks they have money problems?

Find out your priorities. What are you spending money on? Does your expenditure exceed your income? If so, then you need to readjust your life but it begins with readdressing your priorities.

Many of our values and outlooks are formed in childhood. How did your early role models affect your outlook on health, wealth, relationships and spirituality?

My mum was a huge and in fact my main role model.

Health – being in the health profession (she worked as a nurse); she encouraged us to live healthy lives, exercise and healthy living.

 Wealth – I was brought up to be content.  We were a middle classed and contented family.  We were absolutely comfortable with what we had so I never had to go envying what someone else had.  So, now I can enjoy wealth but not let it rule me.

 Relationship – My Dad was typical of most African dads in not knowing how to show love. Not that he did not love, but did not know how to show it. My mum, however, filled the gap for both of them.  My mum was my best friend. I was the only girl in a family of 4 and right until I got to university and left home for the first time, she was my confidant.  I could tell her anything and everything.  She taught me a lot of kindness and love.  An unconditional love, even before I knew God personally.  She had a Godlike nature.

 Spirituality – We were a Christian family but largely church goers.

So what are the most important books you’ve read?

  •  The Bible        
  • Dreams from my father by Barrack Obama
  • The Audacity of Hope by Barrack Obama.
  • The Five Love Languages

Do you have a favorite quote?

If you can perceive it, you can achieve it!

‘If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything’!

Has a lack of balance in your life ever harmed you or kept you from reaching your goals?

I would say I have a very balanced life

Do you ever find it challenging to live as you preach and what have you learned from those challenges?

The only thing I can find challenging is tolerating wrong and I might be a bit judgmental. I would love to be able to be Christ like especially in my job and the society we live, where immorality is very acceptable.  I try not to judge.

Do you think there is an important connection between our everyday living and spiritual life? If so, why is this connection so important?

Yes, I think so.  Our everyday life is a reflection of our spiritual life.  For us, our main priority is to seek God’s face.  Find out if there is anything we should be doing that day.  Do our plans live up with God’s plan?  So our day is focused around that.

What is your philosophy in life?

Whatever my hands find to do, I should do it to the best of my ability.  Whatever I do,

I ask “If God were here, would I do it differently?”  So basically my philosophy is

being open and living my life as such.

Has your philosophy developed over time, or are there aspects of it that are rooted in your childhood, through mentors and parents, or friends? And how has it developed, as you’ve grown older?

I would say my philosophy developed more as I grew older.  It started in childhood as my parents were open and plain.  But I never looked at it like that.  But, those    qualities formed in me from childhood but a lot more since I became a Christian.

Have you found your passions are changing, as you grow older?

 I think it has peaked because I don’t think it can change much more.  It has changed a lot in the last ten years, drastically since I got married. I now have………..

Join us again tomorrow for the final part of this amazing woman’s interview.

 

(to be continued)

ThAT’s JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B

 

Pathway to Success – Parenting

Couple of years ago, my kids were all in primary school and as a young parent, I had so many questions that I asked myself and sometimes would ask other parents as well. I wondered; What age it was considered safe for them to walk home by themselves from school?  What age was it safe for them to stay home by themselves? What age was it considered right for them to start dating? and so many questions all bordering around safety and responsibility.

As a doting parent, I wanted to get it right without stifling my children or depriving them of necessary moral values as well. I wanted the channel for them to be themselves, be assertive among their peers without being domineering. I wanted them to be confident and be comfortable in any environment without being loud or unruly. I wanted them to take ownership of responsibility and not shy away. I desired for them to be honest in all things even if it will cost them, knowing they acted truthfully should be enough gain. I wondered also if other parents wondered as I did.

My goal is to raise children that are proud of their background, proud of their heritage, have a good sense of compassion and be upright citizens.  What I found in the process was, there is no one way to parenting. What works in Paul’s family, may not necessarily work with Peter’s family. More so, in the same family, what works with one child, many not work with another child. I learnt quickly that as Parents, for us to achieve success in raising our children, we  need to study each child individually to understand what approach will work in individual cases.

 

ThAT’s  JuSt THe WaY It iS

Queen B